He kept track of the mile markers where his heart got broken. There were times that it felt like the bottom dropped out and he couldn't drive any longer. And probably places where he should have just kept his mouth shut. But he kept on and on, and slowly his hands grew numb to the wheel, and he drove his car right off that mountain.

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No jacket fits me. I try them on and none of them feel like a jacket I could spend time with. I tried all winter to find the right jacket and ended up being happier being cold than having to find the perfect fit.

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I dream of the day when I don't have a destination or anywhere to be. When I don't have to tell anyone where I am or when I'll finally be home, because I don't have a home. I will sleep wherever I lay my head and that will be enough. I will go days without talking to anyone and nights without seeing another face. I will walk through the deserted amusement parks of my dreams and hold my hands against rusting girders and dilapidated merry-go-rounds and giant swings high above the earth and only see the frolic of the past while I move forward, never needing anything other than this road, other than this drive that never ends. I will haunt the highways and byways, not here and not there. I'll live on corndogs and frozen Cokes and trucker speed, blasting the radio and leaning back. I can't wait to be done with this world.

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Sometimes I sit there and realize there are places I am never going to wind up in. Sometimes, those places can overtake me. Sometimes they can break my heart. Sometimes, I can just drive past. Sometimes, I just want to keep driving and stop dreaming.

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I gave up part of me, I closed it off, I killed it off, I chopped off its head, I stepped it out, I threw it away, I gave it away, I let someone take it, I just give up.

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I became them all the night you quit counting on me

"tonight when i am rolling over the earth's most lonesome ground
i will think of all the ways next time i will try not to let you down"

I roll down my windows and hold my phone out the window.
I click and hope that I can deliver the image that is in my heart.
A city of bridges and ice and sleet with a rollercoaster on the edges of it all.

It doesn't matter where I drive after this.
I have captured the feeling.

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Whirl click...inside an abandoned store, the reels still recorded every footstep of every mouse, every insect, every last bit of dying embers of a dead world.

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