Friday, November 02, 2007

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Wes waits in his tent. He knows there is treachery afoot.

Because he's the one about to cause it.

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Some beers have girls. Corona just sends one girl.

Doesn't sound fun for her.

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Yuengling, you call to me through block windows. How I miss you so...

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King of the rubber duckies, lead the march through the streets.
Sound your rubber trumpet.
March with your, um, well you don't have feet.
Have fun, whatever.

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Plastic pigs. Cut 'em up and make some plastic bacon for Barbie. I don't think Barbie eats plastic bacon. She is too unnaturally shaped. Maybe Midge or one of Barbie's friends do. I don't think Brats dolls eat plastic bacon either. Maybe I should just let the plastic pigs live.

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You know, I already forgot the difference between an alligator and a crocodile.

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This cat?

He's got it made.

He's eating cat ass in a big bed.

Cats do love the cat ass.

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Thursday, November 01, 2007

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Indian head on a swan, show me the way.

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You know what they say about airing out your dirty laundry.

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As a writer, it is frustrating when your words get thrown away.

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Last night I dreamt that I was awake.

When I was awake, I went to sleep.

Then, I dreamt I was awake.

I decided to go to sleep.

I was stuck in a dream within a dream within a dream. I had to get out of each dream and find myself, then realized I did not want to be awake.

This lasted all night, over and over.

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

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Growing up, I had a friend that told me, every single year, that he would dress up in these great costumes. He would plan them out and tell me how his parents were making it for him. My parents always made insane costumes for my brother and me. Maybe he wanted that.

Every year, he would dress as an old woman, wrapped like a mummy.

One year, he was going to be Gumby.

He showed up as an old woman.

His parents were divorcing and fought all the time.

He came to my house every day.

I remember that inside the trailer he lived in, he would build these giant cities and then, after a few days, we would have a disaster and destroy it. He loved disasters.

Next to their trailer, they had a house that was never finished. It was a monument to his parent's crumbling relationship. Once his dad got married again, the house was finished and he and his mom moved.

She got arrested a lot for drunk driving. She was a prostitute. She was the first woman I knew outside of my mother.

Happy Halloween, everyone.

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Great moments in black history

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I grew up in a small town where there are few, if any, black people. Prejudice was very alive when I was young. You will still hear the term colored used. Many people say, oh, I have many colored friends. Girls got called mudsharks if they slept with black guys. The Klan would meet, up until a few years ago, right down the street from where I am writing this.

Cabbage Patch Kids were all the rage. We couldn't find any, anywhere, until a shipment came in at the Montgomery Ward. The only problem, the lady told my mother, was that they were two black ones. We didn't care, we just wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid. I saw no color as a child, only a fad that I must be a part of.

Everywhere my brother and I went, we carried our black babies along. Until one day, I was at my grandparent's and one of their friends said, "Why are your grandchildren playing with nigger Cabbage Patch Kids?" I defended my non-living, stuffed, plastic headed black adopted child's civil rights. I got mad and spoke up.

Therefore, that is my moment in black history. Defending a toy versus someone who grew up racist. I wish it was something more profound, like helping a slave in the Underground Railroad or giving my seat up on a bus. However, this was my chance. And now, you have read my story.

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Today is Halloween.

My Halloween moment of the year is standing in a Walgreen's at 1 AM while an elderly couple argued for 10 minutes about how they were going to pay, either by check or debit card. I was exhausted and just wanted to buy my snacks. I walked around and just was like, please be done, I just want my chips. No...still, they stood in line yelling back and forth. At this point, "This is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas starts playing, so I sang and danced until they were done.

That's my Halloween, several days early.

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This Pizza Hut has a little brother or sister that is shy and always stands behind it.

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No matter where you go, some of home, even if it's adopted, will come with you.

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Hemmingway's cats

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Hemmingway wrote "A Farewell to Arms" in his house in Key West and also had several cats. They bred and bred and now, the Hemmingway House is populated by them. Most of them have six and seven toes. I just think its pretty awesome that cats have the run of this gigantic house. I'd like to hug every one of them.

ADDED: I just looked at the site and this cat's name is Simone De Beauvoir.

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

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They kept me for 8 hours. I walked the road, cut my hair, debated life, smoked cigars.

My car runs exactly the same.

I'll be able to drive it for another year.

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Usually, they have my name when I look for named items. Of which I have zero.

Olga, she's been looking for her name on something for so long.

Here it is. Enjoy your stuffed rabbit.

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Nothing profound. I just want to show you how big pickles can be.

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