They say that you go through a dip in faith in your life. When you are young, you are very connected to God. Maybe because you have been to Heaven and just left there or whatever bullshit fairy tale you would like to believe. When you are older, you are getting closer to dying and therefore, must stop thinking that it is a bullshit fairy tale and have faith.
In the middle, you are wrestling with doubt as surely as Jacob wrestled with an angel. If that's true. I'm not entirely sure.
Belief is a funny thing. You can feel very connected to some force at time and place your faith in it. I pray every day. And I don't believe in God any more and I still pray every single day. Maybe it's a force of habit. Maybe it's me hoping that when I pray, I'll see some sign or hear God's voice. But all I hear is my own voice.
Jesus said to Thomas, "Blessed are those who did not see and still believe."
Conventional wisdom says that you should not test the Lord, your God.
When I was a kid, I would get the shakes when I would think of dying. It goes away. I don't even worry about it any more. Fuck, as I've said before, I have willingly placed my fate in whatever guides this universe and done stupid, foolish things.
I will ruminate over this as I sing XTC at karaoke.
Photo - N
Words - S
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